Samantha Rochard

My creative process.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Pushed to breaking point




My son has the habit of getting excited by toys. He loves them dearly, and this is evidenced by his passion for taking them apart to see how they work. Except that when he does that, then they don't work anymore.

I have a scar on my right index finger. I got it when I was a teenager, practising to bend a glass tube with my Chemistry set. I was supposed to wait till the glass was red hot and then bend it slowly so that I achieved my objective. But I rushed things, breaking the glass, and subsequently it ran up into my finger crateing a deep cut which healed with a scar.

What do these two have in common. They are lessons for me. I was constantly trying to fix a relationship that really had nothing wrong. I have a habit of wanting to improve and "fix-up" everything. So when the relationship wasn't going they way I wanted it to....well just like the glass rod...I didn't wait till it was "red hot", it was still a bit cold.......and I pushed it till it broke. And now I have a cut in my heart, which I know will leave a scar.

I went out jogging this morning to clear my mind. One of the things I have realised over time is that you cannot change a person, you can only change yourself. So my analysis of what went wrong, focused on how I contributed to what went wrong. And it all started with a little statement which turned me into a woman seeking to fix-up something that should be left alone to grow with time.
You cannot force somebody to love you.....even when they have made the decision to stay with you....pushing them over the edge just breaks it beyond repair.

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