Samantha Rochard

My creative process.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

WE ARE AN ABUSIVE PEOPLE



Another child gone....and the country is outraged. Bu has anyone actually realized that as a country we perpetuate the abuse? We are our own worst enemy. Some of course are "more abusive than others" and the atrocities they commit reach public knowledge.....but behind the scenes we are abusing each other, and the silence about the real source of this silent violence has yet to be discussed.

Do we even recognize what is abuse? That is the crux of the problem. Many parenting styles that we adopt are abusive. But our parents did it, we do it to our kids, and our kids will do it to their kids. You know it well, the light cuff on the shoulder, the ear twisting, the shoving the child in the car, the shaking.......this is abuse.... the spanking... that to is abuse. I always hear "....and I couldn't get him to hear me so ah pelt a slap behind him." and watch the reactions of Aunties, and grannies and the women folk....we nod....affirming that it was the appropriate action to take.

We endorse abuse...... face it.... we endorse abuse.

When we see a parent "disciplining a child in public; perhaps shouting at the child and shoving the child along, do we point out that they are being abusive? Or do we silently look the other direction because it is not our business. How many of you have sons and daughters who complain that " Miss/Sir beat meh." and don't look into the reason. Or threaten your child that you will beat them too. You are perpetuating the abuse. You are telling your children that this is acceptable behavior, and this is what to expect. We are teaching our children to be abusive.

Our words are abusive. We shout and argue using volume to get our point across in a bullying attitude that likens to the noise an animal makes when they want to intimidate. We do not educate our children as to the implications of their actions we just apply "licks." We are actually teaching them that the way to get people to do what you want is to shout, scream, threaten, withhold affection, bully them or hit them till they give in. All are abusive. " Licks" lowers IQ, "licks" stunts children's development.

There was an interesting article in the Express on 10th October 2011. In it was a list of different types of abuse. I am certain that everyone who reads this list will find several that have been carried out by our parents, and several that we do to our children. How many do you find...it is a serious eye opener:

Examples of Physical Abuse
1) Destroying your belongings
2)Throwing objects at the person
3)Touching in ways that hurt or scare you
4)Slapping, biting, hitting, kicking, pushing or shoving.
5)Depriving the person of food, shelter, money or clothing
6)Threatening with weapons, (inclusive of slippers, hangers, wood, potspoons)
7)Abusing to the point they need medical treatment
8) Denying the medical treatment
9)Inflicting disfiguring / disabling injuries

Examples of Emotional Abuse
1) Taunting children in the name of fun. (watch excessive teasing)
2)Ignoring them and their feelings
3) Criticizing them repeatedly
4)Yelling at them
5) Telling them they would fail
6) Threatening to abuse loved ones, or remove the children from custody (domestic abuse)

Examples of Social Abuse
1) Insulting the child publicly
2) Controlling the use of money (domestic abuse)
3)Taping conversations
4)Stalking
5)Demanding all of your attention/ the child's attention, and resenting any focus on others
6)Threatening to hurt extended family or friends
7)Isolating the person from family or friends

Examples of Sexual Abuse
1) Forcing the person to have sex, including sex after an argument or a beating
2) Criticizing your sexual performance
3)Withholding affection to punish you
4)Accusing you of looking at, talking to or having sex with another
5) Inflicting harm or mutilation to your genitals

Examples of Spiritual Abuse
1)Discounting your sense of right and wrong
2) Denying, minimizing, or ridiculing your spiritual beliefs
3) Refusing to allow you access to worship communities or support groups.
4) Denying your value as a person with legitimate wants, interests and likes.




The list is a general one meant to cover relationship abuses as well.  I think there are a few others that we need to add for our children:

Ridiculing their spiritual exploration.
Denying them access to information (sexual education)
Denying them the opportunity to make their choices free of parental pressure ( late teens, early adult)

There needs to be open dialogue on abuse in schools, maternity wards, doctors offices etc. We, as a country need to stop turning a blind eye. We need to bring this out in the open.

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