True to my self


I would love to say I don´t miss the painting days, but I can´t. I am yearning for them. I feel like someone who has had to tell her love goodbye, and pass the time until they can be together. I am trying to stay true to myself. Trying. The colours are missing, the thinking, the internalizing and planning. The twisting of magickal, and beautiful ideas. Imagine you are in a twilight zone.....now imagine that that space is only filled with all the beautiful things you want. You are free to make sparkles fall from the sky, sunflowers pop up in corners. Imagine you can decide to create irridescent dragonflies and have then sprinkle glittering dust as they fly, and when the dust lands, daisies pop up from the ground.....imagine.....
Thats what I see when I am in the "artist" mode....thats how I feel.
And now I am boxed in by four walls...... and I get the occasional glimpse of the artistic world during 12-1 when I am on lunch and my mind can wonder.
I know I have to be where I am for a reason. I am noticing little lessons to be learnt for which it is nessecary that I am where I am. So for now I have to accept that I am where I should be....
I wonder how they would feel if I hung stars from the cieling in my office, or covered the walls in a mural? Ha ha ha.......
Whatever happened to the idea of the Patron? In Victorian times, and artist would have a patron to pay his bills so that the work could continue.
I will create this weekend............

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