Samantha Rochard

My creative process.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Always Looking for more?

Once in the while the Universe screams at me and gives me a wake up call. My ever restless spirit raised its ugly head again with silly thoughts of migrating to ...guess where... CHINA!

Says the husband, "Within three months, you will be bored with life there. You are never happy with what you are doing, you always want to try something else."

Funny....just last week one of my gurus said to me," Why does everything you think of focus on GAIN?"
Interesting question......caused a pause in thought. It didn't help that this guru was a twelve year old boy.

Last night, words from an old friend also floated to memory..."Are you ever satisfied?"

Seems like my penchant for self improvement has taken a narcissistic (if thats how you spell it ) turn. All thoughts of further improvements went out the door. I decided that I needed to stop a while,and think about my relationship with myself. Why do I always think that who I am, and what I have and do, are not good enough? Why do I always want to see the other side of the fence (or what I believe is on the other side)

So now I am caught in a trap. Think about it....isn't my looking at my relationship with myself still pushing for Gain? To gain self approval? In trying to halt the gain, I shift to another type of Gain?

Trapped in the web of my mind always....aren't I?

1 comment:

Elspeth said...

You're an artist and you don't just 'paint'. You live and experience the symbolism of your work and its deeper meanings - personal and Universal. You are constantly your own canvas ... thinking about that canvas (self), staring at it, reinventing it, changing it, adding to it, taking from it, etc. You/self/the canvas will be your greatest and most constant work. Wanting to migrate to China is like feeling to add the colour red. But tomorrow you may wake up and feel the need for green. And even in all the 'changes' ... it may seem fickle, but is it?