Thursday, April 7, 2011
For an admirable lady, now gone from my life
Granny and I chatted often. She trying to see the world through my eyes, and I trying to see the world through hers.
" I was pregnant for 15 years!", she once commented, "Women have so many options these days. You all are blessed to be living in these modern times."
Granny, always had just the right amount of tact. There was an underlying dignity about her that never made you feel embarrassed, never made you feel like she was unapproachable; and always willing to help in whatever way she could.
We discussed philosophical matters, Granny and I. We shared information about religious and spiritual ideas, ideas going back and forth in a gentle debate. Then she would rock back in that wooden chair, hands clasped with index fingers on her lips and glancing up at the ceiling processing and absorbing our conversations. She was always open-minded; my gran. Always wanting to hear different points of views.
Granny was always willing to serve, literally...... you couldn't enter her house without being offered juice, cake, frozen pawpaw/mango something.....she chided me because I refused her often. " I came for the conversation Gran...not for you to serve me."
She hardly ever stopped.... she was constantly busy making sure her home was home to all. Always clean and comfortable and beautiful.
In the last few years I watched her slow down.......the pains and hurts of old age growing more worrying to her. I watched as she became more unable to process the new ways of doing things, of handling matters. I watched as the fight slowly left her, and the feeling of having had a long enough life settle into her mind. I watched her come to a realization that her way of doing things were no longer applicable, were no longer valid in this world. Things no longer fit the way that they should in life. The fight slowly leaving her.
She said to me many times " I never want to grow so old and tired that I have to be a burden to anyone. I never want to be too ill to move around."
In the later years I heard her say, " Sammi, I have lived my life, and I am growing tired now. I feel ready to go. I have done what I could to bring my children up and seen my grandchildren grow and have families of their own. I feel ready to depart."
I feel sad at her loss, but knowing that she was prepared and ready to leave this world dulls the grief somewhat.
There was a lot of grief yesterday when she died so suddenly, and a lot of blame about the events that played out. But it was for the best. The Granny I know, would not have wanted to be in any hospital. The Granny I know was ready to go months ago. I don't know if she ever told anyone else...but she told me quite a few times in the last six months.
Elsie French Rochard - Gone to the next stage in love's journey, April 6th 2011, you will be missed terribly. Look out for me, wherever you are. And may we continue to chat through the veil between life and death.